


most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Also background Tosh/Kathy ship rises, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexuality, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, Immortal Ianto Jones, Jack's omnisexual Ianto's bi Tosh's bi they're all queer here, M/M, POV Ianto, Season/Series 01, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tosh&Ianto BroTP is my favorite one in all of the Whoniverse, Woohoo for my lesbians, also kind of involves Ianto adjusting to immortality, but that kind of comes with the whole hanahaki thing, not quite Gwen friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23204110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Ianto was sure that he’d never get the flowers. Not after the fall of Torchwood One, when he has to drag himself and his girlfriend out of the wreckage of a Cyberman invasion, earning himself burn scars on his hands that never quite disappear. Not when he installs his girlfriend in the basement of Torchwood Three in some hopeless attempt at keeping her alive. Not when he starts to sleep with Captain Jack Harkness in some attempt to distract from Lisa in the basement. Not when his very heart is breaking and has been since Torchwood One fell and Ianto's world fell apart around him when the Cybermen nearly killed him.Ianto is sent home for two weeks probation after he cleans up all of the blood and metal on the ground. He expects to spend the two weeks dwelling in grief, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of alcohol, but on the third night of his isolation he wakes up with a cough that sends him to the restroom and ends with a single bloody petal flying from his lips and into a tissue.Ianto stares at the tissue, chest sinking into the pits.(Ianto Jones, in love with his boss, convinced he'll die of the flowers choking him. But things don't always turn out the way we expect them to.)
Relationships: Ianto Jones & Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Past Lisa Hallett/Ianto Jones - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 233





	most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MiladyDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiladyDragon/gifts).



> Title is from "Youth" by Daughter.
> 
> Alright, I love Torchwood and I love Angst With A Happy Ending stories and I love the hanahaki trope and I love Ianto/Jack stories and I'm stuck at home because of the virus and therefore shit happened. Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!
> 
> Also, coming back to this note at the end- this story kind of ran away from me. It was originally supposed to end at "End of Days" but now continues a bit beyond that- the story kind of necessitated it in order to end at a more organic point.

_Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real._

_It hurt too much to be anything else._

**-Sarah Cross**

Everyone knows that the flowers emerging from your throat, cutting open your trachea with spiny leaves and spraying petals coated in blood onto the floor, is all but a death sentence. There are ways to get rid of it, of course, through surgery, but that will remove your ability to ever fall in love again and so few people ever decide to get the surgery. For a decent 90% of the victims of the flowers, surgery never happens. Of that 90%, only about half of them end up having the person they love fall in love with them in return.

Ianto was sure that he’d never get the flowers. Not after the fall of Torchwood One, when he has to drag himself and his girlfriend out of the wreckage of a Cyberman invasion, earning himself burn scars on his hands that never quite disappear. Not when he installs his girlfriend in the basement of Torchwood Three in some hopeless attempt at keeping her alive. Not when he puts up his guard up and refuses to let anyone see the way his heart is constantly aching inside of his chest. Not when he starts to sleep with Captain Jack Harkness in some attempt to distract from Lisa in the basement. Not when his very heart is breaking and has been since Torchwood One fell and Ianto's world fell apart around him when the Cybermen nearly killed him.

But then Lisa gets out and tries to kill everyone and Ianto nearly dies in the process- or maybe he does, he doesn't know. Whatever the answer is, Jack Harkness brings Ianto back to life with a kiss to the lips, even after Jack knows just how far Ianto betrayed his trust.

After that, Ianto doesn't have a moment to process anything. Instead, he's forced to nearly get shot by the Captain, nearly burned to death again by his Cyber-controlled girlfriend, and watch as one of his teammates is nearly converted by said Cyberwoman.

When it’s all over, once Ianto is kneeling by the bodies in the basement, Jack walks up to Ianto, gun in hand, and Ianto knows what’s going to happen. He’s known from the moment that Lisa got free and killed the scientist. To be honest, Ianto knew what was going to happen since the moment he encountered Jack for the first time the night they chased down Myfanwy, the moment he offered his body up on a silver plate as a distraction to save his girlfriend. He knew that Torchwood had no tolerance for traitors and that the gun in Jack's hand has a bullet with Ianto's name on it.

But instead Jack squats down next to Ianto and Ianto can see the betrayal in his eyes but Jack doesn’t shoot him. He doesn’t follow Torchwood protocol for traitors and murderers. Instead, he just says, voice even: “Clean it all up and then go home, Jones.”

Jones, not Ianto, but that’s not shocking, not after what Ianto’s done. Ianto doesn’t expect Jack to ever call Ianto by any sort of loving nickname ever again. He knows he doesn't deserve it, not after what he did, turning Jack and him shagging into a way to cover up his girlfriend's existence in the basement.

He doesn't deserve to be alive, honestly, not after what he did. After the betrayal he committed, to Torchwood and to Jack.

And yet-

Ianto swallows and nods and gets to work.

-

Ianto is sent home for two weeks probation after he cleans up all of the blood and metal on the ground. He expects to spend the two weeks dwelling in grief, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of alcohol, but on the third night of his isolation he wakes up with a cough that sends him to the restroom and ends with a single bloody petal flying from his lips and into a tissue.

Ianto stares at the tissue, chest sinking into the pits. 

Flowers should be kind, from any story ever told. They should be delicate, and beautiful, and healing.

But the flowers of unrequited love, the ones that are starting to itch their way up Ianto’s throat, the ones that he knows he’s going to have to hide from the team- those flowers aren't kind. They aren't delicate. They rip a person apart from the inside out, destroying one's ability to breathe and move and eventually live.

But the team wouldn't care. None of them will have any reason to like or trust or god forbid actually _sympathize_ with Ianto after what he did. And besides, even if they did- learning that Ianto was callous enough to move on from Lisa less than a week after she died? What kind of monster would they consider him?

(It makes no difference, probably, that Ianto finally realized that Lisa’s been gone for two years, now. That Lisa- his Lisa- died the night Torchwood One fell.)

So Ianto looks up temporary remedies, ways to numb his throat, medicines that will keep the petals from coming up at work. The best that any scientist has managed to develop over the years are drugs that paralyze the nerves for long enough to hold back the flowers for Ianto's shift.

Sure, the side effect is that the flowers become far more severe on the hours when the patient isn’t using the drug, that the damage is far more intense, but Ianto finds himself not quite caring if his life is cut short by the extra year or two he might have lasted otherwise.

-

When he returns to work, both Owen and Gwen treat him like shit, which Ianto can honestly say that he deserves, considering the depths to which he betrayed their trust. Jack treats him mostly the same at work, with only the difference of less leering comments and more strict orders.

Tosh, however- she smiles at Ianto like nothing has changed. She treats him just as she did before, still his best friend, and despite being slowly choked to death by his own feelings he can't help but smile when he comes into work because he has solid, dependable, clever Tosh there, ready with a coding joke or a question about the Archives.

Tosh is really the one person keeping Ianto sane at work, the one thing that's stayed constant other than his beloved Archives, and Ianto couldn't be more thankful- so he tries to show his gratitude with the first (and best) cup of coffee for her and other small thanks.

-

The thorns keep growing on the stems in his throat as time goes on and they go on more missions. 

Gwen asks them all around the campfire, voice simpering, who they last kissed, and Ianto can only think about the kiss that Jack had given him that had pulled him from death’s door. He says _Lisa_ anyway and he can feel the bitter sting of thorns digging into his throat coming up despite the drugs he took before coming out here.

The drugs hold when he and Tosh get kidnapped. The drugs hold when Ianto gets knocked out helping Tosh escape from the cannibals. The drugs hold when _he_ nearly dies at the hands of the cannibals.

But when Jack comes rushing in shooting the cannibals like the hero he is, the petals threaten to flood from Ianto’s lips. The stems push at his throat as Jack pulls them all out of there and the police come and all of the cannibals are either killed or locked away for the rest of their bloody lives.

Ianto actually has to cough into the sleeve of his jacket, surreptitiously wiping the blood from his lips, as Jack pulls Gwen aside to talk to her and comfort her about what happened. He can _feel_ the pain of rejection, of unrequited love, pressing its thorns into the lining of his throat.

-

Ianto spends the night at home that night, a massive welt on his forehead, and he stares at the bottle in his shaking hands and the bottle of Hanahaki drugs on the table and he thinks-

No. Ianto swallows and takes another sip of the alcohol and resolves not to touch the drugs until the morning when he'll actually need them again. Despite what he saw in that village, the absolute worst of humanity, he's not going to end it. He can't. He swore an oath to protect humanity and he's going to do it. Just because his love is killing him doesn't mean he has to shorten its job.

-

The missions pile on. The fairies come and Suzie comes back and then there's that whole issue with Flat Holm and the whole time Ianto watches as Jack and Gwen keep flirting and Owen and Gwen keep shagging behind Rhys' back and Ianto just works and watches it all, feeling the flowers creeping up his throat.  
  
-

It takes Ianto a few weeks of research to notice a rather unique anomaly in his particular case of Hanahaki disease, and it’s only because he finally has the good sense to plug the actual species of flowers into the database at work- which, to be honest, is a last chance effort to discover some sort of cure that won’t involve the removal of his ability to fall in love.

Most of his flowers are the usual sort for a case of Hanahaki: daffodils, love-lies-bleeding, narcissus, yellow roses, yellow carnations. Unrequited love, hopelessness, a broken heart, rejection. The usual breeds for an affliction of Hanahaki, the kinds that litter the great, tragic fairy tales, and no great surprise.

But there’s one exception: Amaranth. Commonly associated with immortality or immortal love. He can find no note of them in any study of Hanahaki ever conducted, no interview or story told, no case even recorded by Torchwood or UNIT.

Ianto slumps back into his seat, his entire chest and throat aching as they have for months. (He honestly can’t remember not being in pain due to the flowers and the drugs and the destruction that they've wreaked on his body.)

If he’d had any doubt before now as to who his love was for (and he really hasn’t), he knows it now. And he knows that Jack could never love him back. Not him. Not the Tea Boy who betrayed Jack and Torchwood, who slept with Jack to protect a Cyberwoman (no matter how altruistic his intentions, he betrayed Jack in the absolute worst way possible). Not the broken man who still bears the burns of the wreckage of Torchwood One all over his body and the relives the explosions and wreckage of the invasions in his nightmares.

“Ianto?” Tosh asks from the stairs, and Ianto looks up from his position with his face curled into his knees to find her looking at him, expression concerned. “You okay?”

And he looks up at her and he wants to respond, but he coughs and a single bloody flower finally forces itself through Ianto’s lips. Both of their gazes follow it as it floats all the way to the ground, tiny purple Amaranth petals coated in blood despite the drugs that Ianto’s been taking.

“Oh, Ianto,” Tosh breathes, voice heavy with sympathy as she nearly runs forward to hug him, and Ianto’s not a crier but right now he buries his face into Tosh’s tiny shoulder and silently sobs, shoulders shaking as he soaks the shoulder of Tosh’s blouse with his tears.

“Who is it?” Tosh asks after a few minutes, voice hushed, and Ianto shakes his head.

"I won't say," he says, and she nods, accepting it like the patient, understanding person she is.

"Alright, then," she says, and leans back, looking him steady in the eye. "Anything I can do to help?"

Ianto shakes his head. "Just be how you always are," he says with a smile that he wants to be able to feel, reaching out a hand to hold hers. "You're a really great friend already, Tosh."

"So are you, Ianto," she says, giving him a small smile, and despite the flowers in his throat the compliment buoys his chest in a way that nothing has since before Torchwood One fell.

-

Gwen moves on from flirting with Owen to putting all of her attention into flirting with Jack and Ianto stands there and he just watches it happen.

Jack can never love him when Gwen is there, when Jack is falling for Gwen, because of course he wouldn't. There's no reason for him to ever like Ianto after what he did to Jack, after he betrayed him like he did by using him as a cover for Lisa.

Ianto feels the flowers burning in his throat every time he sees Gwen flirting with Jack despite having a boyfriend of her own, every time he sees Jack comforting Gwen over something that the rest of them just had to learn to deal with on their own. Jack keeps letting Gwen get away with things because of course he loves her, and his love is reciprocated, of course, so there's no flowers on either of their behalves.

Ianto is choking on the feelings that never should have been there in the first place. He never should have fallen in love with a man who threatened to kill him, a man who is in love with someone else.

The whole time, Tosh watches him with sympathy in her eyes. She's always offering to take physical weight from his body, to help him move stuff in the Archives, to somehow relieve his burden. In the past Ianto would have protested, but right now, with his body destroying itself, he can't quite afford to say no.

He's on his last weeks, he knows. If he doesn't die in the field, he'll die because of the flowers.

-

Then the ghosts start to show up, tempting each of them to open the Rift, and Lisa- Lisa, who died in the fall of Torchwood One, Lisa, whose body Ianto had to cremate after the attack on Torchwood Three- shows up, telling Ianto to open it.

Ianto feels the thorns digging into his throat, the blood threatening to choke him, the flowers trying to push their way out of his mouth, and he remembers what he's fighting for. He remembers that Lisa is dead, that he no longer loves her the way that he used to, and he refuses to let them open the Rift while Jack is out.

And Gwen, in her righteous fury, in her belief that she has to be right, that opening the Rift is the only way to save the boyfriend she claims to love, shoots him dead in the chest.

-

Ianto opens his somehow alive eyes to find himself laid out on the ground, his head in Jack's lap.

“What the bloody hell just happened?” Ianto asks, tongue slipping into his native Welsh, and Tosh speaks up from her spot sitting on Ianto's other side.

“After you died, the rift was opened, but Jack managed to stop it in time-" 

Wait a moment. “After I died?” he asks slowly, this time in English, and Jack and Tosh both nod their heads. As Ianto slowly uses Jack’s shoulder to lever himself into a sitting position, he sees Owen squatting by Ianto's feet, medical supplies sitting in front of him. Gwen is nowhere to be seen.

“Gwen’s shot to the heart killed you, Tea Boy,” Owen explains, somehow making “Tea Boy” sound like the fondest nickname in the world. “And then you came back."

“Tosh told us about the flowers, Ianto,” Jack says, voice soft, and Ianto looks to his best friend, eyes wide, to see her giving him an apologetic shrug. He doesn't quite blame her for telling anyone if she thought he was dead.

“At the rate you were at, Tea Boy,” Owen says, “You should have died fucking months ago, especially with the traces of that Hanahaki-arresting drug I found in your system. However, do you know what I _didn't_ find in your system?"

"Not exactly sure what," Ianto says, "But do tell."

“When I gave you an x-ray after you died, there was no sign of the roots in your lungs. No sign of a bullet’s path either, to be honest.”

“What does that-?”

“First off, you’re somehow immortal, now,” Owen says bluntly, “And don’t even ask me to explain that one. But the shit I _can_ explain is what I can see and that’s coming back healed all of your wounds, just like Jack’s body does whenever he comes back. No bullet wound, no roots."

"Who were the flowers for, Ianto?" Jack asks, and Ianto can't pinpoint the point at which Jack stopped calling him "Jones" but he knows it was weeks ago.

But Ianto doesn't answer the question of flowers. He can't. Not to Jack, who despite somehow accidentally making him possibly immortal can't love him back. After all, just because Ianto's somehow immortal doesn't mean the flowers won't come back, will they?

Instead, Ianto asks: "What happened to Gwen?"

"She was put on probation and is currently at home," Jack answers. "She thought she was saving the lives of Rhys and several others and thought that the only way to save them was to open the Rift."

"Should've been fired," Tosh mutters, and Ianto almost smiles at the notion. Despite the knowledge that she's the one that Jack loves, she _has_ been getting away with a bunch of shit lately.

"She was doing what she thought was right-" Jack starts to explain, and Owen snorts.

"And she fucking shot Ianto," Owen says, actually calling Ianto by his name for the first time since he can remember. His tone and expression are disgusted, almost as if he can't believe Jack's reaction to Gwen shooting Ianto, and it's a bit touching, honestly. Ianto hadn't realized that Owen cared that much about him- especially over top of Gwen, who as far as Ianto knew he'd been shagging just a few weeks ago. "How the bloody fuck can you forgive that?"

"You shot _me_ when I entered the base literally ten minutes after Ianto was shot," Jack says as he helps Ianto stand up. 

"Well, mate, you're bloody fucking immortal," Owen says with a shrug. "Even if it was done with the same goal as Gwen shooting Ianto, I knew you would come back. Gwen fucking didn't when she shot the Tea Boy. I'm a cad but even for Katie I'm not _that_ much of a prick."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Tosh says, "But I agree with Owen, even if he's a cad about it. Gwen shooting Ianto had different moral stakes."

"Ianto?" Jack asks, looking to him, and Ianto is still trying to process the ache in his chest and the fact that he's somehow fucking alive after being shot point-blank in the chest. "What do you think?"

Ianto wishes that Jack wasn't in love with Gwen. He wishes that he didn't care about how much Jack cares about Gwen. He _really fucking wishes_ that he could tell Jack to get rid of the woman who _shot him_.

But, looking Jack dead in the eyes, he can't. He knows that telling Jack to give up the woman he loves, just because she shot him, would break Jack's heart. 

And Ianto can't do that. He's going to keep dying of the flowers, anyway, whether Gwen is still there or not, but he'd rather spend that time with a happy Jack instead of a heartbroken one.

"Keep her around," Ianto says even as he gives Tosh and Owen grateful smiles. "Though she should definitely have to pay for a new shirt of mine."

"Least she could do," Owen mutters darkly, and Jack smirks at him.

"Good that you agree," Jack says, "Owen, you can pay for a new shirt of mine, too."

Owen starts cursing a blue streak as he scoops up his medical supplies. "No fucking way, Harkness. You're immortal, you've got to have a nest egg built up- I'm broke as shite and can barely pay for gin at the bar, much less _your_ fucking dry cleaning."

Jack turns to Ianto with a raised eyebrow and Ianto shrugs. "He's got a point, sir. Owen wastes all of his money at the pub, but you save most of yours."

Jack raises an eyebrow. "I guess I'll pay for my own shit, then, you traitors." He says the word _traitors_ like a joke, like Ianto didn't just betray them all a few months ago, and Ianto doesn't know how he does it. Ianto doesn't know how any of this happened- Jack joking about his betrayal, the flowers disappearing, or Ianto coming back from the dead.

For the first time in his life, Ianto doesn't know anything.

-

But the flowers don't come back. Weeks pass from the day the rift was nearly opened to now and the Doctor shows up and Jack disappears and _still_ the flowers don't return. Ianto can still breathe like normal. His lungs and throat stay intact.

And the thing is- Ianto _knows_ he still loves Jack. He still gets the twisted feeling in his chest when he thinks of Jack, still wants to kiss him and hug him and shag him, so by any logic he _should_ still have the flowers.

"I don't get it," Ianto says to Tosh a month after he came back to life. The two of them are taking their lunch break while Gwen and Owen are at their stations, working on whatever their assignments are. "Jack still likes Gwen. My love is still unrequited. And still- no flowers."

"Are you _sure_ Jack likes Gwen?" Tosh asks, raising an eyebrow. She's changed a bit since the night Ianto came back to life- she no longer looks at him with sympathy and concern in her eyes whenever he enters a room.

"Well," Ianto says, "He keeps flirting with her."

"First off, Jack flirts with everyone," Tosh says, "And besides, have you once seen him flirt with her since she shot you?"

"Well, no," Ianto has to admit, "But he did let her back on the team and still lets her get away with all kinds of shit."

"He let her get away with a lot less before he left," Tosh says, but her voice sounds a bit less confident.

"Then why is she currently our Temp Command?" Ianto asks, knowing the question is a bit masochistic but not quite caring.

"Because we're letting her get away with it," Tosh says, "You know Owen wouldn't last fifteen minutes in a leadership position, I am _never_ going to try to be a leader in the field, you know me, I prefer my codes far too much, and, well, you wouldn't take the leadership position for reasons I can't even fathom, so in the meantime Gwen's the leader. When Jack gets back, things will go back to normal."

And that's where Ianto nearly flinches as he asks, quietly: "How do we know that he'll be back?"

-

Jack returns in the overdramatic way that only he can, and Ianto has a million and one questions about immortality and the flowers and the Doctor, but a cocaine-laced blowfish and John Hart have to be dealt with first.

"Ianto," Jack says the first time the two of them are alone, in an office building trying to find some of John Hart's radiation canisters, and Ianto freezes, hands clenched around a piece of paper. "When I was gone- I saw the Doctor."

"I know you went to see him," Ianto says, voice carefully even as possible. 

Ianto hears a sigh, and then: "I asked him about you."

Ianto turns to face him. "About me _what_?" he asks. Ianto, Tosh, and Owen still haven't figured out what the fuck is up with his flowers or his immortality. (As for Gwen, well- she'd asked about it, of course, tone suspicious every time she brought it up, as if she blamed him for Jack being gone, and so Ianto, Tosh, and Owen had stopped mentioning his immortality in front of her at all as they decided they'd prefer her lack of snide remarks over any help she possibly could have given them in a search.)

"I asked the Doctor about our immortality, and he said that you and I are fixed points," Jack says, "That we're stuck like this for the rest of our lives."

Ianto could have sworn that the flowers are back because for a moment he can't breathe. "Which are forever, right?"

Jack nods, expression shifting to something almost approaching guilt, and Ianto swallows.

"So you're stuck with me," Ianto says, voice quiet, "I'm sorry."

Jack's expression shifts instantly to confusion. "What are you sorry about? You're stuck with _me_. I'm sorry that I cursed you to a life of immortality, Ianto-"

"Wait a minute," Ianto says, "You're sorry that _I'm_ stuck with _you_? But you- you don't love me back."

And there it is. His words, his confession, out into the world where Jack can hear it. The reason why Ianto nearly died choking on flowers, why he went months taking self-destructive drugs, why he never said a word.

"Your flowers were for me?" Jack asks, voice hollow, and Ianto nods, eyes fixed on the floor. "And you didn't tell me?"

Ianto shakes his head, because how _could_ he tell Jack, when Jack was in love with Gwen, when Jack could never love him back, even after he became immortal?

Jack's voice is tender when he speaks: "You think I don't love you back?"

Ianto snorts. "Not with Gwen there," he says, voice bitter, and Jack's expression seems almost shocked, as if he'd expected a different response.

"I don't feel about Gwen how I feel about you, Ianto," Jack says, "I swear." He steps forward until he's standing just a couple of feet in front of Ianto, expression open and expectant in a way that Ianto's never seen it before.

The flowers are gone, so he has to believe that Jack is telling the truth. And Ianto honestly, nearly does.

But that _could_ be a side effect of immortality. Ianto has never seen Jack get the flowers, after all. If he was in love with someone who wasn't in love with him, no one would know.

And there's no way to make Jack prove that the flowers affect immortals in the same way they do normal humans, either. Not in a way that Ianto would believe, anyway.

"Prove it," Ianto says, voice somehow stronger than he feels inside, and Jack's eyes go wide even as his expression goes appraising.

"How would you expect me to do that?"

Ianto shrugs. He doesn't know. He can't be sure. Months of convincing himself that he was going to die in love with a man who could never love him back had set his thoughts pretty far into their ways- he's not entirely sure what Jack could do to assuage Ianto's doubts.

"Then I'll figure it out," Jack says, "You deserve that much," and Ianto really wants to argue- he deserves very little, in his estimation- but Jack seems to think that that seals the deal as he smiles.

"Let's head to the roof, then, see what John's got going on?" His expression shifts to "determined leader," an expression that Ianto is much more familiar with, an expression that sets him far more at ease than the kind smile of a possible lover. "I want him out of here as quickly as possible."

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

-

And then Ianto dies a few weeks later in the middle of the attempt to save the space whale because Gwen jeopardizes the mission due to her bringing Rhys into things and he wakes up on the cold floor of the warehouse, his head once again cradled in Jack's lap.

"You're back," Jack says, then leans over and presses a kiss to Ianto's forehead before helping him up.

"That's what immortal means, doesn't it?"

"I guess you could say that." Jack clears his throat, and then: "It's definitely not very fun watching from this side of things."

Ianto shakes his head as he dusts off his shirt, dully noting in the back of his mind that he has once again gotten shot by Gwen. This time it was an accident, in the middle of a mission where Gwen had been trying to shoot the man holding Ianto captive, but the thought still sends a shudder through his mind anyway. "Never has been. Seeing you go through that kind of pain- well, now that I've experienced it, I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

Jack gives him a wry, knowing smile. "See why I didn't want you to get stuck like me?"

Ianto lets out a low snort. "I can see why I'm glad that you're not alone anymore." Jack's eyes widen slightly, his expression softening, as the rest of the team turns the corner, apparently back from checking something out.

"You're back, Ianto!" Tosh shouts, smile making it clear just how happy she is to see him back again, and Ianto can't help but smile back at his best friend.

"That I am," he says, and as he gets up he notices that his body aches just a little bit less than it did the last time, which must mean a slightly faster recovery time, even if the death itself was just as painful as the last time. Ianto knows from Jack's scant admissions about his deaths that different kinds of dying result in different "hangovers," which could mean that if one died the same way, then the hangover length could decrease with each successive death by the same methods. Both times Ianto's died it's been by gunshot to the chest- therefore, shorter "hangover."

Ianto then steps forward and pulls her into a hug- a hug she reciprocates rather enthusiastically, not caring one bit about getting his blood on her jacket. It's the kind of friendship that he's wanted for so long and is so grateful to have received, to have someone who loves him platonically in a way he never really got from his family, much less a friend.

-

That night Gwen tries to insist that they don't retcon Rhys because he's what makes her human- unlike the rest of them who have no one to love- and Ianto still remembers how it felt to wake up after getting shot- now twice- by Gwen, and ever bit of goodwill he ever might have had for her just crumbles.

And it seems like Jack's goodwill has also run out. He hands her coffee five minutes after her rant and within a minute she's passed out on the ground.

"Retcon," Jack explains to Owen, Tosh, and Ianto, who are staring at him, wide-eyed. "She was wrong when she said that she's the only one of us with people we cared about. She's been wrong about several things, and has done several things that broke protocol and actively endangered all of your lives. She has refused to change her ways, to grow as a person, and thus I decided to let her go."

Owen is the first to shake his shock. "How can we be sure that she won't break the Retcon like she did the first time?"

Jack lets out a low, pained chuckle that rattles in such a way that Ianto can _hear_ the pain in it. "Trust me," Jack says, "I learned a lot while I was away with the Doctor. New methods about wiping memories and torturing people and everything. She won't remember a thing."

Ianto leans back against the wall behind him, crossing his arms over his chest because he's not entirely sure what else to do. Jack really did it- he fired Gwen in the most permanent way possible, and as a consequence showed that his priorities lay with Owen, Tosh, and Ianto himself over Gwen.

"Alright, then," Owen says, "We'll deliver her back to Rhys after we help talk her through what's supposed been going on with her missing memories."

And that's the end of the story of Gwen Cooper, Torchwood agent.

-

That night, after they've returned Gwen to Rhys and then Retconned Rhys himself, the now four Torchwood members head to the bar. They sit in a booth, Owen and Tosh on one side and Jack and Ianto on the other.

"Guess it's time to hire someone new, aye?" Owen asks, two drinks in within five minutes.

Jack nods, then directs the question at all three of them: "Any suggestions as to who?"

"Kathy Swanson?" Ianto suggests the detective, not actually sarcastic about it despite the raised eyebrows that Owen and Jack give him.

"Doesn't she hate us?" Jack asks.

"She hates your arrogance, sir," Ianto replies, finally feeling comfortable enough with Jack to talk to him like this. If Jack returns his feelings- which seems to becoming far more of a certainty than he'd previously thought- if they're going to be spending the rest of eternity together, then they're equals in a way that Ianto hadn't anticipated at the start of all of this. Who would have thought, when he was dragging Lisa out of the wreckage of Torchwood One, that this was where he was going to end up- immortal and in love with his immortal boss?

"Which means she'd be the perfect replacement for Gwen," Tosh says, throwing Ianto a small smirk that he's more than happy to return.

"Aye, Harkness," Owen says, "Won't put up with your bull but will still be a valuable member of the team. She knows how to follow orders and protocols and will be plenty ready to call you out, but'll do it the proper way."

"She has police skills, as well," Ianto adds, "With more tact than Gwen had."

"Also probably more fun at the bar," Tosh says, a small glint in her eyes, and Ianto's eyes nearly widen when he recognizes the small smile on her lips. Could Tosh possibly have a bit of crush on Detective Swanson?

Well, if the Detective agrees to join the team, then only time will tell.

-

Tosh and Owen say goodbye after about an hour and a half of bar hopping, and then Jack and Ianto are finally left to talk about Gwen and love and flowers and everything.

"I believe you," Ianto says, and Jack arches an eyebrow.

"You're drunk, Ianto."

Ianto shrugs. "I'm only as drunk as you, sir." He holds up a hand, waving as if to demonstrate. "Same immortality and metabolism as yours, with only a couple of differences to account for 21st century biology."

"You can drop the 'sir' already, if you want, Ianto," Jack says, voice uncharacteristically soft, and Ianto swallows.

"You're still my boss, sir," Ianto says, testing it just a little bit further. "We're not quite on equal footing, are we?"

"We're both immortal, aren't we?" Jack asks, and Ianto nods slowly, because they are. He has no ideas how or why, but they are. They really are. They're both immortal, with the rest of eternity to each other.

"I don't know how you came to be immortal, Ianto," Jack continues, "And I'm sorry that you've been forced into eternity with me, but I want you to know that I am completely happy with the idea that it's you that I get to spend eternity with, and I hope that it's the same for you. I think that your flowers disappeared because I fell in love with you, not because you fell out of love with me, but there's no way I can think to convince you any further than you already have." He holds out his hands, gesturing to himself as he gives Ianto a self-deprecating smile. "So there you have it, Ianto Jones. If you love me or not, you've got me for eternity. My heart's in your hands."

Ianto takes a deep breath. For the first time, he really does believe Jack's assertions of love, through and through. After what happened with Gwen, after Jack _came back_ , after everything they've been through together-

"I think, _Jack_ ," Ianto says, putting the slightest of emphasis on Jack's name, "That it might be a good idea to go on a date, soon. Get to know each other a little better if we're going to be spending the rest of eternity together."

Jack's face lights up, smile going wide and brilliant. "Sounds like a great idea to me."

-

The next one of them to die after that is Jack- or, at least, they think it is, as he dies the day that Kathy Swanson's hire goes through, which ends up being a couple of days after the four of them wake up with two days of their memories missing. Maybe Jack or Ianto died during that time period- none of the team can be sure.

What they can be sure of, though, is Jack waking up right in the middle of a mission, Kathy Swanson just arching an eyebrow, eyes calculating, as Ianto holds Jack's hand as he gasps back awake, his throat having knitted itself back together after a bad swipe by a Weevil.

"Welcome to the job, Swanson," Jack says with his most charming smile as Ianto helps him to his feet, calculating how much blood Jack just got on his clothing and how much the trip to the dry cleaner's might cost for the coat.

"Anything else I need to know besides the fact that aliens exist and that you apparently can't die?" Kathy asks, tone halfway between casually nonchalant and morbidly curious, and Ianto nearly grins. He always knew he liked the detective.

"I can't die, either," Ianto says, "And you can't tell anyone about either of us, or you'll be retconned."

Kathy shrugs. "Wouldn't want to tell anyone." She gives them a bit of a crooked smile. "To be honest, I already like it here. Harper's a cad but he's no worse than any of my old coworkers, Jones's plenty fun to work with and is, by the way, a _much_ better liaison than Cooper ever was, Tosh, well-" Her smile brightens just a bit and Ianto has a really good feeling about her and Tosh. "And you, Harkness," she shrugs, "Well, I'll learn to live with you."

Jack squawks in protest even as Ianto rubs his shoulder for a moment- a motion that still makes Jack calm down as quickly as it did back before everything went wrong between them. "I think Kathy'll make a wonderful addition to the team," Ianto says, and the former Detective grins at him.

"And I think this team will be a great one to join," Kathy says.

-

The first time Jack and Ianto kiss after that is after their first "date." The first time they have sex again is the next night, and it's the first time they're sleeping together with total honesty and, well, love between them. It's still plenty of fun- Jack's got the experience and Ianto's got the enthusiasm- but there's something a little bit deeper between them, beyond the kink and the dirty words.

They show up to work the next day, and despite arriving at different times- Ianto wanted to get in early to get a head start on everyone's coffee- Owen still whistles at Jack and Ianto when Jack finally showed up. "Finally got your shit together, ya idiots?"

"Pay up, Harper," Tosh says, holding out a hand, and Owen grumbles as he slaps a fiver into it. Ianto has no idea what the exact parameters of the bet were, but he smirks at the fact that Tosh was the one who won it.

"You two bet on Jones and Harkness becoming a thing?" Kathy asks from her desk, where she's arrived on time and is finishing the last of her paperwork in a timely way that Gwen never did.

"If you'd been here for all of the drama the two of them got up to over the past couple of years, you'd bet on them too," Owen agrees, and like the traitor she is, Tosh nods.

"Trust me, Kathy, it makes sense," Tosh says.

"You three gossiping in here?" Jack asks, standing with his forearms braced against the railing, looking down on the Hub like the leader he is. Ianto smiles at the sight- Jack is his, now, even if they haven't discussed exactly what they are yet. (They have the rest of eternity to do that, after all.) All of this- all that Jack is, his past, present, and future- that's Ianto's to have and love and he can't wait to learn more about the man as he opens up more to Ianto.

"Gossiping about you, Harkness," Kathy says, all of Gwen's stubbornness and teasing with just a little more respect and consideration to her teammates.

"Always a great topic to gossip about," Jack says with a smirk as he stands up fully and heads down the stairs to grab the last cup of coffee from Ianto. "Thanks," he says, smirk shifting to a genuine smile for Ianto that Ianto returns, feeling fully happy and settled for the first since before Torchwood One fell- or, maybe, the first time ever, considering everything he was still hiding even then about his past and his family and squeezing himself into the mold that Yvonne Hartman expected.

Here, in Three, with his best friend in Tosh and his love in Jack and his friend in Owen, as ornery as he can be, and a growing friendship in Kathy- Ianto can't imagine a better life than this, even if it involves him and Jack dying in the middle of missions. (They come back, anyway, and can protect their teammates better if Jack and Ianto can put themselves in the way of danger more often.)

Ianto is happy and in love and he can't wait to see what the rest of eternity has in store for him.

_We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird._

_And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love._

**-Robert Fulghum**

**Author's Note:**

> And eventually Tosh and Kathy get together and Ianto and Jack stay together forever and everything is utterly wonderful for a story that started out as angsty as this one did.
> 
> Hope you guys all liked this! Feel free to leave a comment and/or kudos if you liked it- comments are the life blood of a writer and a greatly appreciated.


End file.
